Funi Stuf HP & Gang Better NOT Say
by Cosmo Girl
Summary: This is just funi stuff that I thought up during my daily boredom. R&R, and all that good crap.


I really hope that the HP guyz never say this stuff…although, it would be amusing...  
  
Here I am, very bored, getting ready to go to skool, listenin' to Nelly Furtado, writin' this weird stuff. You make think I'm weird, but that's just my thing. Sorry there's so much singing and Pepsi, but I like, well, singing, and Pepsi. So, I'll go ahead and disclaim- Duh, I don't own HP and gang, they'd only belong to me if I was J.K. Rowling, and I'm not. I'm just Sara. Oh yeah, and J.K. ROCKS!!! She's a genius to have thought up Harry and his peeps (LOL). And other lines and stuff belong to singers and songwriters and screenwriters and other cool ppl of the sort. The only thing that belongs to me, is my creativity (*sob*). So, here's the weird fanfic. I think it's sorta funi. R&R. Flames suck.  
  
Hermione (on the Hogwarts Express): Let's throw Remembralls at the windows once we get to Hogwarts!  
  
Ron: Man, Trelawney looks hot today.  
  
Harry: Oh gosh! (This one's weird, but it's true that Harry [or any other HP character for that matter] would never say "oh gosh" it's just too, something...)  
  
Harry (singing): Betcha he reads, betcha she sews…  
  
Draco: 1, 2, 3, 4, get that booty off the floor!  
  
Harry (still singing): Maybe she's made me a closet of clothes…  
  
Snape: I've quit the Potions teacher position and have started teaching sex education!  
  
Dumbledore (singing): Let's go surfin' now, everybody's learnin' how…  
  
Bulgarian Prime Minister (in strong accent): Can you understand the vords that are coming out of my mouth?  
  
Crouch: Ain't nobody understand the words that are coming outta your mouth!  
  
Dobby: I'm quitting the house elf occupation and becoming a stunt double for ET and the rest of the other worldly folk Harry Potter, sir!  
  
Sirius: Where's the nearest fire hydrant?  
  
Fang: Bacon Bacon Bacon Bacon it's BACON!  
  
Ginny: Sorry Harry, but I love Frodo now.  
  
Cho: Sure Harry! I'd LOOOOOOVE to go to the dance with you! What? You weren't talking to me? PANSY?!?! (I'll be very distraught if you don't understand this)  
  
Professor Binns: I've discovered that I've reached new levels of boringness, so I'm going to shoot myself.  
  
*Naturally, bullet goes through Binns w/o harm, coz he's already dead, duh. The bullet hits a blimp in the sky, which comes crashing down.*  
  
Rita Skeeter: Oh the humanity! (You know, when the Hindenburgh crashed)  
  
*Crabbe and Goyle are sitting by the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room (yes Gryfindor, they were switched to that house after saving an old lady from being hit by a double decker bus), polishing their prefect badges*  
  
Harry (hands tray of brownies to Dumbledore): They're really good. Ron and I made them ourselves.  
  
*After they're out of Dumbledore's earshot*  
  
Ron: So, Harry, which kind did you use? Ex-Lax?  
  
Voldemort (singing): I am a man of constant sorrow… Come on Lucius, sing it with me!  
  
Voldey and Lucius (singing together): I've seen trouble all my days…  
  
Wormtail: Ooooo death, OOOOO death…  
  
Snape: …And these here are the ovaries…  
  
Dumbledore (on TV commercial): So ask your doctor about Viagra.  
  
Dumbledore (on different TV commercial): I am every man…  
  
McGonagall: And every woman…  
  
Hooch: That ever suffered from frequent, persistent heartburn…  
  
Snape: But over time, that acid churning up can wear away the lining of your esophagus…  
  
Flitwick: I didn't know…  
  
Sprout: I didn't know  
  
Young Barty Crouch, Jr.: I didn't know! I swear! (Ya know, the trial in the pensieve)  
  
Crookshanks (also on TV commercial): Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow… (Meow Mix cat food, of course)  
  
Firenze: Man, Mars is dull tonight…  
  
McGonagall: Hello. My name is Minerva. And I am an alcoholic.  
  
Hedwig (singing): I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away…  
  
Flitwick: So! Everone thinks Michael Jordan's so great huh? Well, I'm gonna be the best player the WNBA's ever had!  
  
Michael Jordan: WNBA??? But you're a guy, aren't you?  
  
Flitwick: Of course! The WNBA is the "Wizards' National Basketball Association"! DUH!  
  
Hermione, Ginny, and Cho: Good morning Charlie!  
  
Charlie (Weasley): Good morning angels!  
  
Ron (In weird voice and trying to supress laughter): Come on Harry, it can't hurt ya!  
  
Harry: I dunno Ron, that stuff gives me a major scar-ache...  
  
Winky (brandishing wand at Crouch) Avada Kedavra!  
  
Hagrid: Fang, can yeh do me a favor, and go get me some Fire Seeds from the Forest? There may be a few werewolves along the way, but it's nothin yeh can't handle.  
  
Fang: *Whimpering* Rererolves?!?  
  
Hagrid: Go on Fang! I'll give yeh some Scooby Snacks!  
  
Fang: Scooby Dooby Dooooo!!!  
  
Harry (walks in The Three Broomsticks pub): Mad-Eye Moody, drinkin' a Pepsi!  
  
"Mad-Eye Moody": Actually, this isn't a Pepsi, this is a new Pepsi Twist, with lemon. And I'm not Mad-Eye Moody.  
  
Harry: You're not?  
  
"Mad-Eye Moody": *zip* I'm Barty Crouch, Jr.! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
…….:::::::MORE PEPSI:::::::……  
  
Draco, Ron, and Harry (standing on the beach, drinking Pepsi): Ahhh…Pepsi!  
  
Hermione (singing): For those who think young *winks*  
  
Hope you enjoyed! More later! R&R! I'm feeling much more cheerful now… 


End file.
